More Chuck Norris Jokes

Q: Why doesn't Chuck get strikes while bowling?

A: He knocks down one pin & the other nine faint.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.


There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.


Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.


Jesus can walk on water, but chuck norris can swim through dry land.

Chuck Norris gargles peanut butter.

Soap kills 99.9 percent of germs....Chuck Norris kill 100 percent of whoever the fuc*k he wants.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris doesn't read. He stares a book down until it gives up information.

When chuck Norris falls in the water,
Chuck norris doesnt get wet,the water gets chuck norris.........

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris he finds you

Chuck norris noce ate four 30lb balling balls wthout chewing

Most peple fear the reaper. chuck norris consders him as "a promising rookie"

Everytime someone uses the word "intense" chuck nrris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face

When chuck norris plays monopoly, it affects the actual world economy

The first rule of chuck norris is "you dont talk about chuck norris"

If you work in an office with chuck norris dont ask him for his three hole punch